Why did it happen to me?
All year I tried harder to be a better person, but there are ALWAYS obstacles in front of me!
Someone is trying to destroy my passion to do great things for God!
I worked harder to prove myself, but you saw nothing in me!
Why me? It is your fault! You are the one who turns my life into a hellhole!
I do not have anywhere to go and now look at me!
It is all those bitterness and full of anger was boiling inside me after I lost everything on November 27, 2012. My ex wife, Lori left me with no clue. When she left at 715am she gave me kiss and said goodbye. A few hours later, I got a message from my pastor Michael Williams from Sovereign Grace Community Church, as he wanted to see me right away. I came to office, even I was very drunk after consuming large amounts of rum.
I will never forget the facial expression of Michael William, he was showing me kindness, courtesy and being in full of gracious attitude. At the same time, he was having a difficult time passing the message as he said:
“Lori is not coming back, you have a slim chance to get her back…!”
Everything I built and struggled to get myself better has been collapsed into pieces.
I will never forget the facial expression of assistant pastor Craig Gabel, he was speechless and he was looking down and will not look into my own wounding soul. Michael continued trying to calm my rumbling soul. He encouraged me not to text Lori or makes an attempt to contact her. I was ordered to stay away from her. Michael asked me, “Did you have too much to drink? You are driving the rental car to get here, you need to be careful.”
The next moment I can remember it went into the black all I can remember after my meeting with the pastor and assistant pastor. I walked furiously to the rental car and I drove through downtown of Boston, I began to lost balance of driving the rental car and I let it slam on one of parked cars caused the rental car’s passenger mirror side to fall apart. I was doing on the true intention to get myself killed because I was completely unhappy with my life and was facing losing everything.
I cared less for the rental car’s passenger mirror side because all I wanted to go home; I parked the rental car in Zip Car parking lot near Malden Station MBTA station then walked for another fifteen minutes to my old apartment in Malden, Massachusetts.
I continued to drown into a bottle of rum. The darkness ascended upon me and I texted madly to many people who I know and told them I do not know what to do next. I called my mom and my former father in law and told them the truth about the collapse of my marriage as Lori and I are going into separate path.
I looked at God with internal anger and do not know what to say next to God.
All I can remember was sitting on the sofa and been motionless for many hours to come. I hardly can get good sleep.
Little I did realize God was going to do something better and have bigger plan for me!
Stay tuned for part two on 12/3/12.